Building Wellness Together – Support Group for Chronic Pain & Illness

A support group for Spring 2017 for those suffering with chronic illnesses and pain who may feel isolated and judged is beginning at the end of April 2017. A community of support can increase emotional wellness and restore a sense of empowerment. A facilitated support group can provide a safe context to explore issues that make life difficult and to share ideas for positive change.

Where and When

The “Building Wellness Together” support group plans to meet from 4:00 pm to 5:30 for 6 Sundays at Ottawa Holistic Wellness at 356 MacLaren Avenue. The group will be facilitated by Sofia Lopoukhine, Mental Health Counsellor and Therapist. The fee is $101. 70.

If you or someone you know is interested in participating in this 6-week program or have any questions, please email Sofia, at sofia (at) counsellingwithcompassion.com. Those interested in participating will be contacted to arrange for a follow-up telephone call with Sofia. Space is limited.

Anxiety and Depression – Getting Stuck in Our Thoughts

The words “anxiety” and “depression” can be quite scary, and it can be difficult to ask for help because of something going on in your mind. As a Mental Health Counsellor, I invite my clients to think about their depression and anxiety experiences not as labels of illness, but rather as something that they can get stuck in – and get out of, as well. This can be an over-simplification of complex issues, but I think it is still a helpful way to begin to make some sense of the experience.

While the symptoms and experiences of anxiety and depression are, in fact, quite different, both often involve being stuck in our thoughts. With depression one is likely stuck in thoughts about the past, and with anxiety, it is thoughts about the future.

These unhelpful thoughts about the past and future infect the present moment and keep us stuck.

Stuck in the Past and the Future

When someone experiences depression, they often describe their symptoms as:

  • feeling sad or angry most of the time,
  • not enjoying life, and
  • not wanting to do much of anything, believing things have never worked out and they won’t ever get better.

This person could be stuck remembering something in their past. These remembrances of hurts, traumas and painful moments become so overwhelming that they infect the present moment with imaginings of a never-changing future as bad as the past.

When someone experiences anxiety they often describe their symptoms as:

  • feeling afraid and nervous,
  • worried about many things in life, and
  • finding it hard to do anything out of their comfort zone because they imagine bad results will come.

This person is likely stuck imagining something terrible happening in the future. These projections of hurts, threats and disasters become so overwhelming that they also infect the present moment. 

A Moment of Anxiety

When we are caught up in a moment of anxiety, we have projected ourselves into a time in the future where we imagine a terrible outcome.

Here’s an example I am sure many of us can relate to.

A student begins the semester, looks at his syllabus and sees that there will be an exam
at the end of the course worth 60% of the final grade. At that moment, his thoughts jump to the end of the semester, and he imagines a very hard exam, in which he isn’t able to succeed, and then he imagines failing the course, then seeing his GPA dropping, his hopes of a good job and financial stability disappearing, and suddenly he is panicking.

As you read that long last sentence, how many of you now notice that you are holding your breath, tensing up, or your heart is racing?

Stop and take a deep breath because right now at this moment, where is this imaginary student in this scenario? He is at the beginning of the semester, and he hasn’t started studying what he will be tested on. His mind took him to the end of the semester and then beyond to a frightening future.

Where are you right now? You are probably sitting at your computer or on your phone. As you read this, you are probably safe, but your body may have started reacting like you were going to be taking this exam and see your hopes of financial stability disappear.

Coming Back to the Present

By bringing your mind back to the present moment, you can notice where your thoughts have taken you.

Do you see yourself in a terrible imagined future based on events that have not even happened?

Are you finding yourself reliving a moment of hurt in the past that makes you feel hopeless today?

Right now, where are you? What do you physically see around you? What do you hear? What do you smell? Where is your body? Is something terrible happening right now?

We have all had the experience of getting stuck in one way or another. When we are stuck, we can’t get out of the position we are in.

Some of my colleagues at the Ottawa Holistic Wellness Centre can help your body be less stuck when a part of you just isn’t moving correctly.  If you feel stuck in your thoughts, moods, or in your life, I would be happy to meet with you to see if working together can help you get unstuck and back to living a vital and meaningful life.

A New You or Just More of You?

A New Year and a New You or Just More of You?

by Sofia Lopoukhine, Mental Health Counsellor and Therapist

Instead of trying to be a new person in the new year, how would you feel about bringing more of you into 2017? Could a new you mean more of you?

Are there parts of yourself you hold back that prevent you from connecting more deeply with others? Would you be willing to be more vulnerable with people in your life?

Brené Brown in her inspiring book, Daring Greatly states that vulnerability is a paradox, “The irony is that when we’re standing across from someone who is shielded by masks and armour, we feel frustrated and disconnected. That’s the paradox here: Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I look for in you.”

On the one hand, it makes sense that we don’t want to let our vulnerability show, especially when it means revealing what could hurt us. On the other hand, seeing how someone is hurt inspires most of us to want to express our desire to help and solidarity.

Recently, a famous pop star spoke up about her experiences as a woman in the music business. She talked about how there was a time in her career where she felt like the most hated woman on the planet. During her speech, there were a few moments where her eyes filled with tears.

The crowd gave her their full attention because there in front of them this confident, well-respected artist allowed some of how she had been hurt to be seen. Her speech made an impact not with anger, statistics or superficial platitudes. It made an impact because those listening to her could see that she was talking about the truth of her experience, not just the beautiful, shiny, easy-to-digest parts.

The crowd’s nodding heads seemed to indicate they shared some of the same feelings that the pop star revealed. The group felt connected to her as she showed her vulnerability.

In our social media-driven world, where we mostly share the lovely, shiny, easy-to-digest parts of ourselves, are we missing out on deeper connections?

Could relationships with family members, work colleagues, neighbours and friends become more meaningful if we let more of our authentic, vulnerable selves be seen?

I’m not proposing that we burden other people with our problems or that we share our deeper selves in every interaction we have or every post on social media, but maybe there are some relationships in our lives that could benefit from more authenticity.

A client of mine shared a story of how a friend of hers from high school, someone she described as always happy and put together, recently confided in her that she felt overwhelmed by her work and family responsibilities. For my client, this was a remarkable moment to see that her friend was struggling with the some of the same insecurities and challenges that she was. Before this woman opened up about how overwhelmed, she felt, my client, admitted she would never have shared her difficult feelings. After this conversation, she felt much closer to her friend and plans to spend more time with her in the new year.

How about you?

Is there someone in your life with whom you could deepen your relationship by revealing more truth, authenticity and vulnerability? Is the mere idea of letting down your guard anxiety provoking to you? Does it feel like opening up in this way is something you would never want to do in a million years?

If the idea of making yourself vulnerable with family, friends or romantic partners is holding you back, this is something a counsellor could help you with. Through counselling and psychotherapy, we can explore ways to help you deepen the connection in your relationships and what is holding you back.

I would be happy to meet with you for a free meeting to find out if working together on this or any other life issues could be right for you.

May this new year of 2017 start out with us all having a little more courage to be vulnerable with the important people in our lives!

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Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. New York, NY: Gotham Books.

Building Wellness Together – Support Group for Chronic Pain & Illness

A brand new support group is planned for January 2017 for those suffering with chronic illnesses and pain who may feel isolated and judged. A community of support can increase emotional wellness and restore a sense of empowerment. A facilitated support group can provide a safe context to explore issues that make life difficult and to share ideas for positive change.

Where and When

The “Building Wellness Together” support group plans to meet from 12:00 to 1:15 pm for 6 Wednesdays from mid January to mid February, 2017 on the 3rd floor at 35 Beechwood Avenue. This is a scent and chemical free environment with street level and elevator accessibility. The suggested donation is $10 per session. The group will be facilitated by Sofia Lopoukhine, Mental Health Counsellor and Therapist along with a co-facilitator.

If you or someone you know is interested in participating in this 6-week program or have any questions, please email Sofia, at sofia (at) counsellingwithcompassion.com. Those interested in participating will be contacted to arrange for a follow-up telephone call with Sofia or her co-facilitator. Space is limited.

https://www.amazon.ca/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483469054&sr=8-1&keywords=gifts+of+imperfection

This is an excellent book to read if you struggle with perfectionism.

Excerpt from the amazon product description: Each day we face a barrage of images and messages from society and the media telling us who, what, and how we should be. We are led to believe that if we could only look perfect and lead perfect lives, we’d no longer feel inadequate. So most of us perform, please, and perfect, all the while thinking, What if I can’t keep all of these balls in the air? Why isn’t everyone else working harder and living up to my expectations? What will people think if I fail or give up? When can I stop proving myself?

https://www.amazon.ca/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483469054&sr=8-1&keywords=gifts+of+imperfection

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Psychological flexibility: How love turns pain into purpose | Steven Hayes | TEDxUniversityofNevada

A wonderful TEDtalk that explains the value of turning towards our pain to find a deeper meaning in life…

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Savouring the Positive to Help You Get Through Winter

Noticing and Savouring the Positive to Help You Get Through Winter

by Sofia Lopoukhine, Mental Health Counsellor and Therapist

Most people in Ottawa seem to love summer and enjoy the natural beauty of fall, but there seems to be less enthusiasm for the next season of winter. 

As the days get colder and shorter, we start the small talk of wondering how to get through dreaded winter. It can feel like life gets harder as we have more to contend with because of the weather and darker days.

As a human race, we have evolved to focus on the negative in order to problem-solve and survive, but when we can turn our attention to intentionally notice the good everything can seem more bearable. We can enhance the influence of the positive moments in our lives to build up our resilience for when the negative moments come because life contains both positive and negative moments.

Negative winter moments aren’t always so bad, maybe just more inconvenient, but an accumulation of them can really bring us down.

Noticing what didn’t go wrong

Take, for example, a winter moment like the unexpected blizzard that delays you in traffic and makes you late to meet your friends so that you lose your dinner reservation.

When something like this happens, how many of us will retell the story of how frustrating this was and end up reliving it each time we talk about it?

On the other hand, how many of us will retell or relive the experience of leaving work on time and having nothing keep us from getting where we need to go?

This may seem like a silly question because these kinds of moments don’t make very interesting stories to tell to others and that may be why we usually take them for granted. However, these moments are worth retelling ourselves because when we intentionally look for moments like this and then relive internally how nothing went wrong, it is a way to help us see life more positively.

In this example, recognising the ease with which you were able to leave work and drive to the restaurant to meet your friends will do you good, especially if you can savour the experience as well.

Savouring the positive

Savouring is an exercise where we focus our attention on fully experiencing through our senses.

It can be something we do in a mindful present moment when we notice the good or a way to bring to mind a positive moment from the past.

Savouring the positive starts with you bringing to mind the specifics of what you are experiencing or that you experienced through your senses.

If you are savouring a positive experience from the past you could ask yourself the following questions:

  • What did I see that I enjoyed?
  • What did I hear that was pleasant?
  • What smells and tastes did I notice and like?
  • How did my body feel in the moment?

As you answer each of these questions and notice or replay the scene in your mind’s eye in as much detail as you can, relish the experience and revel in it.

You can learn more about savouring at http://www.thepositivepsychologypeople.com/the-art-of-positive-savouring/.

Anytime and anywhere

Savouring is something you can do anytime including during annoying winter moments like scraping ice off your car, waiting for a bus, or trudging through the snow.

Reliving the positive moments will also help train your brain to notice the positive in the everyday.

Everyday positive moments such as a stranger’s smile, a favourite song on the radio, or a kind word in an email; and before you know it spring will come.

If you find that it is very hard for you to notice anything positive in your life or find that there is nothing you can think of that you have recently enjoyed, you may be suffering from depression. If this is you, please consider setting up a free meet and greet session with me to see if our working together could help.

Wishing you all a happy holiday season with many positive moments to notice and savour!

http://ottawaholisticwellness.ca/noticing-savouring-winter/